Psychedelic

Have you felt that..

....life is moving faster than it has ever been before?
....a day is 24 hours long, yet a week is 168 hours so fast?
....you're grasping for every single minute of time that is given to you?
....each day brought so many changes that you just tend to go with flow?
....one morning you wake up and you're afraid you don't know who you are or what have you become?
....on a single beat of the heart, you're a new creation?
....Love that is never changing amidst all things that are changing?

I did..and still do.

Dear God,
     Thank you for this wonderful and blessed day. Amen.

Last week has been a very tough week. So what a relief when out of a sudden, the post-Valentines-group-dinner we were planning earlier that week pushed through.

With 10,000 people rallying at Ayala, we drove out of Makati and sought refuge at SM Mall of Asia. We had dinner at Tokyo Cafe, which was recommended by Lara (madalas kasi siya nagddate dun..yikeeeee!).

Food was really superb. We had Unagi Supreme, margherita, chicken terriyaki salad (i heart greeeeens!) and chicken and cheese roll. Food were not just great, they're reasonably priced too. Ü


chicken terriyaki salad, chicken and cheese roll..yumyum!!!
After dinner, we went to Cheesecake,etc for some sweet fix. We had 5 different kinds of cheesecake (oreo, new york, berry temptation, black top chocolate, and white chocolate pistachio). The cheesecake were super rich, but I think they're just normal cheesecake. I can't pick which one I liked best. To me, they all taste the same...(there's something wrong with my sweet palate siguro that night :| )


berry temptation and black top chocolate cheesecake...Ü
Click here to view entire album
Click for Lara's album

I just really had a great time. It was a blissful night. And I can't thank Mio, Lara, Jay and Ana enough for it. *hugs*

I usually bake when I'm sad or upset. I mean...to keep my mind off things.

So this Sunday, after browsing through cookbooks, and rummaging our pantry for ingredients, I decided to make a cinnamon-flavored bicotti, with chocolate chips and lots of almond nuts....sounds yum!!Ü

It's not that I don't want to bake the typical, everybody-loved chocolate-chip cookies anymore. But I really wanted to try something new. Though I was still a little hesitant because I was afraid that the finished product might tastes weird and noone would like it and I have to eat it all by myself (unless I throw it off the bin, but that's a waste of money..and I remember my mom saying, "there's a lot of hungry people around the world"...blahblah and so on). But then, I looked at the picture once more, it looked so enticing and yummy. I knew I have to try baking it on my own.Ü

According to Mr. Wiki, biscotti is a plural of Italian word biscotto, roughly meaning "twice baked"....which is true enough because this baked goody is made by rolling the dough to form a long slab, baking it for 20-25 minutes into the oven, slicing it into 1.5-thick pieces, and baking these slices again to dry.

I was really amazed how the dough rose and got bigger while being baked at the oven. And when the cinnamon-y aroma whiffed the air, I got excited. I just can't wait to take a bite.

But I was dismayed.....cinnamon and chocolate didn't seem to be a good combination. Though the biscotti's taste was not that bad (hmm, sabi ni Dan!!!), I was still somewhat upset.

My dad's reaction to the biscotti was a little funny though. He complained that it's hard and difficult to bite. But biscotti were supposed to be that way!!! I suggested next time he'll eat it, dip it first into the coffee or tea or hot chocolate so the cookie will be softer.Ü

Haaay, after all those reactions, I don't know if I'll give biscotti another shot. Maybe, someday.Ü


the finished product....ideally served with coffee daw

To confess. To admit. To reveal.

It's easier to say these words, than to be done.

It's really hard to confess. I remember my grade school days, those times when me and my girlfriends would do sleepovers and ask each other who our crushes are. I recall they had to turn me upside-down before they can extract who my crush is. (Thinking about it now, it's no big thingy at all, hahah!). I remember when I was in high school, I dreaded the days when we have to do confessions to the priest. And during my college days, I recall how it's hard for me to tell my parents where I've really been. >:)

Hmmm...what I'm trying to mean is it's really hard to tell the truth, to divulge what we actually think or to reveal what we truly feel. Because there are so many risks, the consequences are unknown.

I really admire those people who contain a brave heart, those who shamelessly face the whole truth and valiantly take the path of the unknown.

Me? I think I was born naturally coward. I'd rather be on the safe side. I'd rather conceal or hide from the truth than be led outside of my comfort zone. Sometimes, I have so many excuses. But there are also times, when I think running from the truth is just the best way.

I've been thinking about all of these for some time now. So so strucked was I when I read the Church's verse of the month. It says...

"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever
confesses and renounces finds mercy" - Proverbs 28:13
The verse just hit me because it is true. I'm not talking about 'sin' part but I'm zeroing on the feeling after (the act confessing or after being confessed to). Don't you feel feel relieved when you tell the whole truth? Or when a person revealed a secret to you, don't you feel compassion for that person?

Right now, I long for that relief. I want to be kind. I dunno. But everything about this, it's tough.

It's Saturday and as usual, it's Mandarin class day!

Today's lesson was just a review of what they've learn during Basic Chinese 1. Since it's just a review, the teacher went sooo fast. Yay! It was really draining. :'(

I'm still confused with some of the pronunciation, especially those aspirated ones. And I still can't get the difference of 'jin' from 'qin', 'zui' from 'zhui' / 'cui' / 'chui'. The intonations too are still my problem. Gaaah! I really really need more practice. :(

Usually after class, I'll hit the gym for some workout. But due to some bomb threat related to Lozada's testimonies and all this political crap, my parents advised me to go home right after. This was the text/YM message I got yesterday (did you get one too?):

pls help me 2 publish sa lahat ng tao pupunta sa nabanggit kong lugar, tomorrow feb 09 phil time 11am plan A lrt baclaran terminal, plan B tutuban mall, plan C Uniwide Quiapo, Plan D SM manila, Plan E Robinson Malate, paki advice nmn sa mamamayan ng manila wag cla punta muna sa mga lugar na yan kc sa intel report namin pasabugin yan bukas para maligaw ang isyu sa senado 2ngkol kay LOZADA. tnx…pls pass

Fortunately, nothing happened. But we must still be vigilant, because it's really possible. I really believe that the government will think of ways to divert people's attention from this case. Hopefully, the security around the metro will still be tight. I don't mind waiting in lines when riding the LRT or entering the malls, etc. I'd rather be safe. :)

BAKIT WEIRD ANG MGA TAO?!?

Ginpoms had a get-together again this Friday to celebrate Lara, Carla and Mio's birthday (overdue na yung kay Lars, hahah!). This time, they treated us at John and Yoko.

There were lots of food...because people had big appetite that night (..pero nagddiet daw). Hahah! We had smoked salmon roll, tofu steak, chicken teriyaki roll, beef tepan, crunchy squid teriyaki, and all-meat rice. But what I really liked were:
1.Green Chicken - I like the crunch and the seaweed flavor that comes with it.
2.Tofu Cheese Melt - A food review says that it's just like tofu with chizwhiz and bacon bits. Yup, I agree. But I like its texture - crunchy on the outside but soft and custardy on the inside.
3.Flavored Yakult - Jay, Lara, Leda and I got strawberry, green apple, orange and mango flavors respectively. But the best was mine, the mango flavored yakult. Yup, it's mango but it tasted like lychee. I like lychee!Ü


from top left, clockwise - beef tepan, chicken teriyaki roll, green chicken, smoked salmon roll
Click here to view John and Yoko album

After that sumptuous treat, we went to RedBox. At first, I was hesitant because I thought that singing was not on our 'trip list'. I was sooo wrong. They were good at singing (ako hindi...huhuh). And Paul was a revelation! He's super good! Di daw siya marunong kumanta! Hahah!

Before midnight striked, Leda, Carla, and Paul went home. While the rest of us continue to scream sing.

Sayang lang kasi we came at Red Box around 9.30pm. We could have streched our Php499 if we arrived earlier. And of course we could have done more singing. hehehÜ

People were not contented after our slot in Redbox. So we went to Music 21 afterwards. We sang until 3am. *addiction* Hahah!

Sayang, we missed Ana, who was not able to come because of work (boooo! to prod problems) and Jemmi. Di bale, when Jemmi arrives here in Manila this July, we'll make sure to do videoke again.Ü

You know that Yuletide season has officially began when you started to eat a lot...i mean, lots and lots!

Mine has started when Ginpoms celebrated this year's holiday by having a buffet at Circles Event Cafe in Shangrila Makati. Honestly, I have never been a fan of buffet. But now, with the exception of Circles' buffet.

They have a wide selection of food: appetizers, Chinese (dimsum, asado, ducks); Japanase (sashimi, maki), MidEast(curries, naan), American(steaks and pastas), cold selections (oysters, shrimps), and yummy yum desserts (creme brulees, tiramisu, and chocolate fondue).


hakaw at its best..


too beautiful to eat (carrot cupcake and crab stick maki)


chocolate fountain!!!

I particularly like the dimsum, the fresh sashimis and makis and the flourless chocolate cake! *still droooools*. There are sooooo many food served at the counters and I think it's really impossible to try them all in one visit. Would I come again? Sadly no, unless it's free because the buffet costed me 1800 bucks. Minsanan lang talaga ito. Hahah!Ü

After 3 or more plates each, 3 hours of non-stop gnawing and churning, it's exchange gift time for us. We've been guessing who got who for days and finally it was revelation time - Ana got Lara, who got Jay, who got Mio, who got Leda, who got Ana. Paul and Tisha exchanged gifts and so were Carla and I. Of hundreds of probabilities, sina Tish and Paul (Sunlife peepz) pa ang nagkabunutan. Patawa talaga si Paul!! He sent bluff emails pa. He really got Tisha. We thought joke lang. Hahah!


First time..formal attire ang ginpoms!Ü

Click here to view Circles Album

The time is right for 'kwentong lasing', but no, we're not drinking alcohol. At 1.00am in the morning, over some Starbucks' caramel and java chip frappes, I had one inspiring and life-evaluating conversation with Kuya Bobby.

After months of not seeing each other, I observed that he seemed happier...his aura's lighter, brighter and more flambuoyant. He even looked better. I asked him what's his secret. "It's just...letting it all out", he said.

Embrace Life. Just let it all out...
At first, I didn't really get what he truly meant. But as I ponder more about it, I realized what he's trying to say...

There are times when most people feel their life's contained in a box. And though they know that there's something's they've been missing, they tend to ignore it. They would rather go on with their daily routine, and stay within their comfort zones. Opportunity comes and passes-by, without them knowing. Why? Hmm...he really don't know, because there are hundreds of reason.

And I was so strucked by this. The truth is I'm so guilty!!! There are times when I settle for mediocracy. Sometimes, I create my own hindrance to my own personal growth. I have so many excuses, procrastinations, and fears. Sometimes, I worry too much about so many things...

...which I now realize that that shouldn't be done....just try to live your best, one day at a time.

Make an ordinary day, extra ordinary...
I've complained that everyday's more like a routine, 'office-house-office-house'. He said, it's just how you will make each day different from yesterday, from the other day and from so many other days of the past.

It's just all in the mindset. If I would not make 'sungit' all day to my other officemates, that's a difference. If I cook a meal for dinner or drive my mom to office, that's a difference. At the end of the day, I just need to reassess. Did I make this day remarkable? Did I make myself better this day?

And most importantly...
I should never forget Him in everything everyday. Each day is a gift from Him. It's just rightly to offer each day's work to Him. In anything and everything that I'll do, I'll just put my Trust to Him.

See the birds of heaven; they do not put seeds in the earth, they do not get in grain, or put it in store-houses; and your Father in heaven gives them food. Are you not of much more value than they? - Matthew 6:26.

It was so heartwarming for Kuya Bobby to come all the way from UST to Makati just to visit and accompany me during my over night stay. His transformation from a very timid to a religious and sociable person made him a better invidividual. I can see from his eyes that he's very happy now. I am so happy for him too.

I really really wanted to disappear on the face of this planet this morning.....or maybe I was wishing I am/could be like Casper, who could turn invisible when I want to hide my face.

Yeah, I may sound so cowardly, but I really can't help it. I'm so shameful of that stupid mistake that caused implementation number 3 to be backed-out (once again) last night. :'(

I know I already did this before. Why didn't I learn from that mistake? Again, I left an 'EXEC CICS WRITEQ TS QUEUE' command inside the code. I wasn't able to remove it before the programs were migrated to production. :'(

I admit it was my pure carelessness that made this very simple command be the culprit of the backout. The command itself is not harmful. But when the queue reached its maximum number of entries (which is 32,767. I'll never ever forget that number), the whole transaction will abend.

When this happened in EPCIB, all the ATMs went offline. This time in RCBC, all 32768th-up savings account transactions done in ATM yesterday were not successful. :'(

Comparing the two blunder incidents, I say that what happened in EPCIB was less disastrous because the problem took place earlier in the morning, when ATM transactions were not at its peak. But this time, almost all savings transactions were rolled out. I just can't imagine how much money RCBC lost that time. :'(

Added the fact, that this is our first project in RCBC. Somehow, this incident has tainted the company. My bosses, Sir Mike and Sir Richard did not say a word. They did not scold me. Though I know, they were really upset.

Ramil said I should not think about it anymore. Dan said "it's okay because the mistake was still fruit from your hardwork". But I just can't get over it. Once is just a plain mistake, twice is too much of stupidity. And I definitely am not wanting to hit strike 3. :'(

So maybe they were right - stop thinking of the past and start learning from my mistakes (dapat magsink na ito..).

I feel sad today for myriads of reasons. I know they're just petty. But how small and simple they seem, they still break my heart. :'(

Right now, I'm trying not be sad, to be strong, to reach out, and to ignore those hurtful words. I'm also trying not to succumb to this lonely feeling because there are also myriads of reason to be happy (like the surfing next week!Ü). I know I just need to remember them too.

I also remember Ephesian 5:16, that reminds me to "redeem the time, because the days are evil". I know we only have limited time, and I think there are many other ways to be spend it rather than be somber or nurse animosity.

I also try to remember that there will always be sad moments (I just hope not too much..Ü), and that they are parts of our lives. I just also need to be more grateful, and be reminded to cherish every days of our lives - may they be good times or bad times.

Mitch Albom wrote in his book 'For One More Day', "It's such a shame to waste time. We always think we have so much of it." And he's totally right. Carpe diem.

It was bunutan for exchange gift night, supposedly. But everybody was not available so it was decided to be a slack-off Friday overnight with Jay, Mio and Tisha.

However, RCBC told over lunch that I need to stay overnight for emergency project reimplementation. Again, the plan was messed-up.

Being mapilit as I am, I still decided to go to Serendra to have dinner and dessert with them. We ate at Chelsea. We ordered Baked Buffalo Mozarella, Slow cooked Norwegian Salmon (pati salmon, may nationality?), and Herbed chicken with Wild Rice. We've also got free Foccacia Bread with roasted garlic. Though the ambiance was nice, the food was quite a disappointment. It was not that bad. I guess the taste was just too foreign to my palate that I was not able to enjoy it as much as a homecooked sinigang. It was an experience though. heheh.Ü

A visit to Serendra would not be complete without passing Sonja's. I really like the place because it's full of pretty cupcakes. I know they're kinda overpriced, and the cupcakes - without the icing are just plain cupcakes. But I really like to try the different icing on top of their cupcakes because they're really sweet and yummy. It's not much of an indulgence, isn't it? Yumyum!!Ü

The whole night, they're kidding me to push through with the overnight plan. I got so peer-pressured (not to mention, sick and tired) that I opted to leave work. They were so giddy, they even went with me to RCBC to get my overnight stuff. The whole time, I felt so happy, so rebel-like and guiltless for leaving work. Yet I also felt sad for leaving my teammate behind.

But that sadness was overcomed by the rebel in me. So, at 1.00am, I found myself at the backseat, having my first midnight roadtrip around Manila. We went first to Jay's place to get his stuff. Then, we're off to Starbucks Promenade to get ourselves a cup of coffee.

We decided to hit the sack at 3.30am. But sleep would not get my invitation. Guilty conscience was sinking in. I got up and went to RCBC.


At roadtrip, Chelsea, Sonja's, and Starbucks Promenade..Ü
Tonight, reflecting....

I realized that this isn't me anymore.I used to be serious and responsible. This girl just love all the fun and is undmindful.

What has gotten into me? Am I crossing the limits of my 'Me years'? Am I in rebellious stage (isn't it too late? heheh)?

I'm happy but I'm losing track.

In a society where everybody loves to eat, for sure, every celebration this Christmas will be a feast. A food lover, including myself, will find him/herself again against another struggle. And most of the time, we lost the fight, right? heheh Ü

So, to avoid any guilt trip after indulging myself with lechon, cakes, and other savoury and sweet treats, I decided, I should prepare myself. I'll hit the gym before the food season starts.

At last, last week, I found myself waking up at 5.30 in the morning, riding the LRT and walking all the way to RP from Pedro Gil.

And God knows! It's really reallllly hard, especially the waking up part. It gets colder every morning and it gets harder to part from bed every time. :'(

But I still love going to the gym!! I love the feeling of being refreshed after battling with the machines. I also love the way the habit is keeping me awake all day.Ü

Sige na nga...the bottomline here is I want to lose some weight before Christmas..hahah!

Dads really are one of the mysterious creatures on earth.

I mean, they've been with us all our lives from the minute we're born. Yet how long we've known them, we can never really understand them, read their thoughts and fully grasp why do they the things they do.

Just like my father. This morning, I was so mad at him for some reason. But when I saw my cut-out 1x1 ID pictures (the one I threw into the waste can years ago...) in one of his finance books (..cause I was supposed to borrow it) as a bookmark, my anger melted away.

He's always been distant. But now, I realized that beyond his stern look and deep voice, my dad is loving me in his own silent way.